Dunkirk NY – Due to dental and doctor appointments I have a small break from taking care of my mother. One of the major things we did get accomplished was getting overnight help for her. This should take off a lot of stress from everyone, as having someone in the house from 10pm-6am will allow people to get a decent amount of sleep. This was really the major issue apart from the stroke-like symptoms. So now she has assisted coverage on an ongoing basis. This could mean that I might be on more of an on-call basis for afternoons and evenings. It might also mean that I’d be living in my parents’ condo in Amherst, which is about a 40-minute drive from my brother in W. Brookfield. That would allow for all of us to have some space instead of being crowded into his house. We are going to give this a try, and perhaps in March I might even be able to come back home for extended spells. The situation is very fluid at the moment, so everyone is sort of playing the hand as it’s dealt. The night aid starts a week from today.
It is somewhat difficult to put into words what it takes to do this kind of work. I find that the physical aspects of it are not so terribly difficult. What does wear on you is the emotional side of it all. While my routine is not all that changed (I still have to find things to do during the day, just in a different location), there is always that Sword of Damacles hanging over your head, in that any minute she might ring her assistance bell, and you have to drop everything and attend to her. Getting good solid sleep is also an issue; you’re always slightly tired. Everything in the house sort of revolves around her needs. Her needs are not that much: a change of undergarment, from bed to chair, from chair to bed, feeding, assistance to the bathroom. Her world is small and getting smaller, but even in that small world she needs help. Her sleep patterns are erratic. All of this impacts your own daily routine. Whatever you’re doing, in the back of your mind there is always the thought that the bell will ring any minute.
I have so many thoughts about the process of aging that my mind is having trouble sorting it all through. I’ve developed a sense of urgency about trying to make sure all my affairs are in order and that my planning for my own aging is as complete as I can make it. And yet, I still know that all the planning in the world can’t account for everything. But I feel I have to have all the backstops in place to handle all the inevitable losses before I can even begin to think about enjoying any gains. As always, the best approach is to take the day you have and do with it whatever needs to be done. Somehow, though, it gets more challenging to stay in the present when you can see the future ahead and even begin to make out the details. -twl