Dunkirk NY – I tend to feel the spirit of a new year more when the spring comes rather than in the dead of winter. Nothing really feels like it can renew itself in winter. We celebrate a calendar changeover with the naming of a new year, but then we plunge back into the depth of the cold. Winter continues unabated, and January and February in fact turn out to be the two coldest months of the year. It’s a little depressing to spend an evening celebrating and then wake up the next morning to realize you’ll still be freezing your ass off for the next couple of months.
There is some logic attached to celebrating a new year in winter, though. When connected with the solstice, the ongoing return of more light brings a bit of relief. Groundhog’s Day (Candlemas, Imbolic, mid-winter) brings a sense that the end of the dark season is near. But it’s not until I can hear more birds sing, the snow melt for the final time, and the temperatures warm to above 60° that I feel a new year has come. Around here, that’s around April.
This coming year, for me, brings with it a lot of unknowns. In a few days I’ll be heading to my brother’s house to help out with the care of my mother. I’ll be staying out there for an indefinite period of time, as long as she needs assistance. My brother and I intend to get more professional care in for her to attend to everyday needs, but she needs someone 24/7, and as I’m retired with nothing on my plate, I’ve decided it’s best to go out and take some of the burden off my brother, especially during the night. Her eventual passing is really an unknown at this time, because although she is losing strength, she has no particular condition or disease. So it’s mostly a matter of time, and while I will miss the comforts of my own home, my brother has a large house located in a very wooded area, and it’s just as easy to sit most of the day there as it is here. I suspect that life will become a day-to-day matter; no planning for the future.
In terms of how retirement is going, I believe I am discovering some things about retirement that are difficult to prepare for. One is simply this sense of having to watch over and care for people. Last year it was Jenna after her car accident; this year it’s my mother. Many other people spend their time watching grandchildren. I’m sort of realizing that all those plans you think about – wintering in Arizona, extended RV trips in the fall – are plans that life often squashes. My own parents had to spend time as caretakers for their families until into their 70s. You’re not really as free as those glossy AARP bulletins would have you think you are. I’ve only been able to execute one or two small trips so far. And I have done a few shows, which takes up time as well. And have had my knees repaired.
All of this has been more or less going with the flow, taking what’s offered, and reacting to what’s happening. My initial three-year “wait and see” period comes to an end this April, but that’s really an artificial deadline. If 2020 is to be any kind of “new year,” it should bring with it some new purpose and a more defined sense of how I spend my time. I’ll get back to you come May 2020. -twl
